It’s been a few months since I’ve last been around, but I’m still alive, still here. I’ve been focused on personal things that have forced my hand to take a break from writing and editing and focus on daily things. I’m in the works of going back to school, working, and spending time with my family.
So, this year has been one of growth. I have actively spent the first half trying to move forward in every capacity I have been able to, abet sometimes slowly.
And, two months into the school year, where I am approaching the final weeks of the first semester back, what have I learned?
I really miss my novels.
I’ve actually accomplished a lot this year, with a huge list of to-dos left, but working 20-30 hours a week, plus workouts, living 45 minutes from my job, spending time with my family, and studying 20 hours a week, I feel like all of my time is wasted and never used wisely.
Truthfully, that’s not the case.
Part of my accomplishments is to actively work on my bucket list/dreams/regrets list. I have learned over the years that much of what I do is cyclical. My interests, my goals, my desires. They loop around and around again until I complete whatever it is I set out to do initially. This quote to my right is from Lilith Reborn, and its about one of the new villains (yes, villains). But as a living, breathing human being in this world who does believe that we possess the potential for regrets and do acknowledge them, have learned that one of the most important things a writer does is pull forth our psyche.
Mine, yours, everyone’s.
As writers, we mirror our flaws, our desires, our good, and our bad, all into one conglomerous blob. Its cathartic.
And writing is an art form. You can always learn the trade, the tricks, and rake the coals, but some things, true mastery is the art itself. Writing is like a tapestry. Its the same thing in the cooking industry. There is the whole art/science argument there. Same with the film industry. Art vs. entertainment.
And that art is exploring the myriad identity that is the human soul.
By exploring these other worlds, these other parts of ourselves, we in turn become better human beings. And I am truly thankful to be someone who considers this my most prized skill. That I am skilled enough in my writing, intelligent enough, and educated enough that I am able to search for the divine through my work. It seems as though this is my life’s goal.
I’ve studied cultures, religions, languages, societies, philosophies, physics, psychology, and I can tell you one thing– I haven’t found the answer yet. But I have a most interesting tapestry.
I’m tossing around the idea of going down to two classes a semester so that I can devote an adequate amount of time to my writing. Without it, it feels like there is a void inside me. By seeking the balance, I may yet find my answer.
That balance, hopefully, will serve me well when rock climbing because I suck at it.
And because my posts are not complete without a music video, have some James Bay, because he’s awesome and, well, he gets stuff…